(Journal)

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Saturday November 03, 2007
1:01 a.m.

1. Tonight at the Cabo Cantina, there was this absolutely perfect-seeming woman there with her date. Even complexion, long dark brown hair, thin, great breasts, perfect hands. Blue jeans, white shirt that clasped/tied closed in the front, tennis shoes. But aside from the physical stuff, which is exactly what I am most attracted to, she had a spark. There was fire in her eyes, and she was expressive with it. She was cheerful, excitable, adorable, sweet, engaged. I just couldn’t take my eyes off her.

I also couldn’t stop thinking about seeing April tomorrow. She’s this warm, bright comforting presence in my mind. But still very reserved. I want someone that will be that into me, that will smile that shiny fiery smile. It’s very wonderful that April can understand me when I’m being reserved and hesitant, or listen to me talk things through. But I want someone who will also counterbalance that; I’m not sure we have that within us (at least as we are now; as people, not as a couple). Who knows what will happen. I just know that she and I are a lot alike, and that is something that I’ve always wanted.

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3. Felt very on-center tonight, especially back at Sean’s house. I feel like I can say whatever I want, and it’s going to be right on the mark, honest, witty/funny if appropriate. I had them all rolling several times tonight. I feel like a man when I am like this, I feel a hardness come out. There is an edge, but the normal form is no less apparent.

4. It’s now 2:30, and I’m probably no where near sleep. I’ve been getting pretty randy on the weekends, starting Fridays. Maybe it’s in anticipation of seeing April. Tomorrow (today) we go to see Tinarawin in Santa Monica.